Skinny in fat conscious world

A friend of mine posted this comment on The Motley fool: “God, you are skinny.”

This was my reply:

Yup, I’m skinny. Too skinny. Do you know what it’s like being too skinny in an obesity-conscious world? Huh? Do you? Try going to a decent restaurant right now and getting a meal guaranteed to clog arteries, thereby slowing my system down so I can gain some weight. Go ahead, do it! It can’t be done. Everywhere I turn are these damned low-carb starvation diets. Even if I try eating twice as much, it’s wasted ( get it, wasted? Too subtle probably ). Ever since these damned Santa Monica diets and low-carb diets have infiltrated main stream society, I have withered away to nothing. Even my damned beer gut is gone because my wife will only buy lite beer and tequila. I took up racquetball, within in a month or so, poof, another 10 pounds gone and people in sub-Sahara Africa are starting to feel pity for me. I will never die as long as the country obsesses with no-carb no fat food, I will fade away one molecule at a time till there is absolutely nothing left. I’m just waiting for that worm to turn again when the Surgeon General suddenly freaks out and realizes the country is over-whelmed with immaciated unhealthy people who are not getting all the vitamins and minerals they need every day to remain healthy and start encouraging McDonald’s to add natural lard to their french fries. It may not happen for me in my lifetime, but I don’t want my son to suffer this same fate.

I felt it was too important to not be on my blog.

Related Posts

  • July 27, 2009 -- Thoughts on a fat surgeon general (0)
    OK, so Obama's nominee for surgeon general, take two, isn't exactly what most people would think the top health icon on the country should be.  I got a problem with this.  Now, first of all, let's ...
  • January 8, 2005 -- Nixed Super Bowl Ads (0)
    I can't think of a better intro than ESPN's:We're living in a post-Nipplegate world -- and apparently it's only going to get worse. In case you haven't heard,Not sure if they mean the commercials h...
  • August 29, 2007 -- Tap Tap Tap (6)
    When I was in college, I had a frat brother who was the queerest human male on this planet.  He wasn't just gay, he was flaming.  He loved being gay and flaunted it excessively and publicly.  This ...
  • October 4, 2006 -- Michelle v Youtube (0)
    I had a little gripe going with Youtube last week. Seems they kept removing my David Bowie vids from Saturday Night Live. Big fat hairy deal huh? I honestly got no one to feel my pain. Now, som...
  • January 31, 2008 -- The Berkeley City Council embarasses me (1)
    Here's my early morning list of the jerks of the day: Tom Bates, Mayor Calvin Fong Linda Maio Darryl Moore Maxwell Anderson Dona Spring Laurie Capitelli Betty Olds Kriss Worthin...

Tags: , , , ,

NAVIGATION