Moonage Political Webdream

Independent Sources notes a phenomenon I have noticed for a long time on the internet:

Majority of Digg Commenters Appear to Believe that Latest Terrorist Scare is Propoganda€¦

It’s not restricted to terrorism.  Pick any topic you want, and there will be a ton of people advocating non-sensical opinions based on nothing but pure speculation fueled by nothing but pure speculation of others.  911?  That was a government action, not terrorists.  Global warming?  The fact that the Earth has heated and cooled for a million years is irrelevent.  More hurricanes?  The result of Global Warming.  Fewer hurricanes?  The result of Global Warming.  It goes on and on and on.  Even in my little neck of the woods, people are speculating that my Congressman will personally benefit from a new road.  That the local bid to attract the new BSL-4 livestock lab will only benefit a handfull of people ( it will employ about 300 with taxable revenues of about $30 million ).  And, regardless of legislation and documentation, it will be creating wild new bugs for weapons.  Nevermind the fact it’s only supposed to find cures for existing diseases that affect our food supply.  It just never stops.  Especially on the internet.

Now, I have often wondered why it’s so easy to find all kinds of web pages supporting outlandish conspiracy theories, and more often than not, nearly impossible to find web pages supporting the OBVIOUS truth.  I think I got it figured out tho.  People who exist in a realistic manner don’t really worry so much about a conspiracy theory behind every door.  They’re just confident knowing that what is black is black.  Unless of course, it’s white.  Other people see a million shades of gray rather than whether it’s black or white.  Those people who see things in black and white don’t feel the need to re-assure themselves that what is black truly is black.  Those people who see a million shades of gray have too many options which lead to indecision and questions.  For instance, is it more black than white in that gray or more white than black?  If it is more gray than white, there has to be some reason for that.  Enter the theory as to why that is.  However, since more often than not, it is simply black, there is no logical support for why there is more black than white.  So, they seek out support for the conclusion they’ve come to that it is indeed more black than white.  If it can’t be found, they voice that theory to the world.  If anyone else agrees, then they have that support and they feel much better knowing that someone else truly believes it is more black than white.

It’s a mob rule sort of thing.  It doesn’t matter if she floats like a small rock or not, she’s a witch!

FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a witch. May we burn her?

ALL: A Witch! Burn her!

BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?

ALL: She looks like one. Yes, she does.

BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.

They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up as a witch.

WITCH: I am not a witch. I am not a witch.

BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.

WITCH: They dressed me up like this.

ALL: We didn’t, we didn’t!

WITCH: This is not my nose, It is a false one.

BEDEVERE takes her nose off.

BEDEVERE: Well?

FIRST VILLAGER: … Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEVERE: The nose?

FIRST VILLAGER: And the hat. But she is a witch.

ALL: A witch, a witch, burn her!

BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?

FIRST VILLAGER: … Um … Yes … no … a bit … yes… she has got a wart.

BEDEVERE: Why do you think she is a witch?

SECOND VILLAGER: She turned me into a newt.

BEDEVERE: A newt?

SECOND VILLAGER: (After looking at himself for some time) I got better.

ALL: Burn her anyway.

BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest

ALL: There are? Tell up. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere?

BEDEVERE: Tell me … what do you do with witches?

ALL: Burn them.

BEDEVERE: And what do you burn, apart from witches?

FOURTH VILLAGER: … Wood?

BEDEVERE: So why do witches burn?

SECOND VILLAGER: (pianissimo) … Because they’re made of wood…?

BEDEVERE: Good.

PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.

ALL: I see. Yes, of course.

BEDEVERE: So how can we tell if she is made of wood?

FIRST VILLAGER: Make a bridge out of her.

BEDEVERE: Ah … but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

ALL: Ah. Yes, of course … um … err …

BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?

ALL: No, no, It floats. Throw her in the pond Tie weights on her. To the pond.

BEDEVERE: Wait. Wait … tell me, what also floats on water?

ALL: Bread? No, no, no. Apples …. gravy … very small rocks …

ARTHUR: A duck.

They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.

BEDEVERE: Exactly. So… logically …

FIRST VILLAGER: (beginning to pick up the thread) If she … weighs the same as a duck … she’s made of wood.

BEDEVERE: And therefore?

ALL: A witch! … A duck! A duck! Fetch a duck.

FOURTH VILLAGER: Here is a duck, Sir Bedevere.

BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales.

He leads them a few yards to a very strange contraption indeed, made of wood and rope and leather. They put the GIRL in one pan and the duck in another. Each pan is supported by a wooden stave. BEDEVERE checks each pan then … ARTHUR looks on with interest.

BEDEVERE: Remove the supports.

Two PEASANTS knock them away with sledge hammers. The GIRL and the duck swing slightly but balance perfectly.

ALL: A witch! A witch!

WITCH: It’s a fair cop.

All: Burn her! Burn her! Let’s make her into a ladder.

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