The candidates are jumping on board for the 2008 Presidential race as fast as they can. So far, I count about 100 or so, or so it seems. One power broker in DC so far has remained steadfast in their refusal to run, Condoleeza Rice. Now, there is a site pushing Condi to run. I’m going to just list all their reasons. I know it’s some sort of plagiarism thing, but some things are so perfect it just needs to be repeated with attribution. Here, from draftcondi.us, is THEIR reasons she should run:

1. She actually knows what she is doing, a rare attribute in a candidate these days. A person doesn’t get to be Provost of Stanford University by goofing off. Rather than spending her adult life running for office, she’s actually … well, gone out and worked hard. To be a “professional politician” has never been a mark of competence, energy, or skill.

2. She’d flatten the two remaining Democratic strongholds: women and African-American voters. In fact, it might just end the Democratic Party as an institution, leaving it to join the Whigs and the Federalists as subjects for American History 101. (Hit them while they’re still trying to figure out how, with the backing of the mass media, celebrities, and Soros’ millions, they still couldn’t beat the fellow they called a smirking chimp).

3. We’d have the first woman President (and her name wouldn’t be Hillary),

4. and the first African-American President,

5. and the first President who has proclaimed herself “a Second Amendment absolutist,” repudiating everything including registration. Her father didn’t hunt ducks — he hunted Klansmen. (No proof that he got one, but Kerry never proved he got that duck, either).

6. She would also be the first unmarried President in over a century. All the supermarket mags could speculate as to whom she’s dating now. (Okay, they could do it with Bill Clinton, too, but this would have a lot more decorum). Stolen glances at Prince Charles? Why did she appoint a 27 year old as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff? Paparazzi could pursue her as she sneaked away with a Marine guard. The Secret Service could detain the paparazi and “accidentally” drop them off the 14th Street Bridge. This gets better by the minute.

7. If she does get married, we’ll have to figure out what the First Man of the U.S. does. Gets up on the White House roof to adjust the antenna? Trims the grass? Serves as the representative to NASCAR? (Takes out the garbage is a given).

8. Since the election of 2008 would end with her nomination, she would have no need to barter the usual political favors (this group gets a cabinet official, this donor gets a nice ambassadorship) and could run her Administration as she pleased. (Probably first time that’s happened since the election of 1796). The British might actually get a competent ambassador for once. The Democrats would also benefit, since they would save the expenses of a convention, campaign, and inauguration.

9. Bin Laden would lose it, and the Taliban would be terrified. If they crossed us, they’d have their butts kicked by a woman, an American woman no less. Think of them trying to say “The American president, she thinks she can threaten us.” “After the air attacks sent against us by Miss Rice, we have survived and will fight on.”

10. She could break treaties and international agreements at will, because we all know women change their mind. Elizabeth I got away with this racket all the time. On the other hand, she’s studied foreign policy, and women have excellent memories, so any French demands could be met with the rejoinder “so what? You breached the

11. If the Demos behave as they did upon her Cabinet nomination … there’s nothing funnier than a liberal going racist. (It’s only appalling if you had some respect for them to begin with).

However, I see other advantages given the current political climate. Top 10 Moon reasons to run would be:

10. What we have brewing in the Democrat circles is a battle between a white female, and a black male. This could pit white females against black males. Condi running would save us that further division of our country. ( Do it for US Condi! )

9. She seems to have balls that would make any average white male jealous. Average white males aren’t racist or bigots by nature, we just don’t really like whiny emotional types in general. Condi, to say the very least, has never come across as whiny or emotional. We like that. Secondly, average white males generally trend to respect someone we think can kick our ass in a bar. Condi fits that bill as well. She would get a certain amount of average white male votes.

8. She’s conservative as hell, but anyone have a clue what her religion is? It’s not in-your-face. I like that. Your religion is not a calling card to attract voters. Condi seems to respect that.

7. She’s academic, but not liberal. How the hell did she pull that one off? Not only would she be an inspiration to women, and to blacks ( African-Americans ), but she would be to closet conservative academia too afraid to speak their true feelings now.

6. She’s a conservative Republican, but was the Provost of Stanford University in CALIFORNIA? How the hell did she pull THAT off? If she can do that, she convince all the world that the US is really a lot better place to be than they think, and the Taliban and Iraqi “insurgents” should be a lot more like us.

5. She’s an extremely gifted musician. If the rancor gets too bad during negotiations, she can perform another duet with Yo Yo Ma until everyone gets along.

4. Although the previous lists it, it’s worth repeating. The perception I would think the world would have, after about three months, that if put in the same room for fifteen minutes, and the doors closed, Condi could whip Bin Laden’s ass. This is important in the Middle East.

3. The perception I would think the world would have, after about three months, that if put in the same room for fifteen minutes, and the doors closed, Condi could whip Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s ass. This is important in the Middle East. Not only that, she could not only say it right, she could spell it too. That’s not terribly important in the Middle East tho. I just find it challenging.

2. The perception I would think the world would have, after about three months, that if put in the same room for fifteen minutes, and the doors closed, Condi could whip Kim Il Jung’s ass. You want true peace in the world? That’s how you get it pronto. The US negotiating policy would no longer rely on the military, the catch-phrase would be “Don’t make me come over there again!”.

And, the #1 reason to draft Condi:

1. Barbara Boxer HATES her.

That tells me all I need to know.

Tags: 2008 Presidential Race, condi rice, Polls