Tap Tap Tap
When I was in college, I had a frat brother who was the queerest human male on this planet. He wasn’t just gay, he was flaming. He loved being gay and flaunted it excessively and publicly. This guy was about six feet four inches and probably in the neighborhood of about three hundred pounds. Now, I wasn’t the least bit gay, or even the least bit curious, so it was loads of fun for me to watch this guy harass the life out of young preppy frat wannabes at the local bars. Because of this, I had to associate with him in public. I enjoyed the carnival show, and he tended to run with a very, very, physical and rough crowd, so I was pretty safe physically. It almost never led to anything as he would usually just drink himself into a stupor and pass out. Because of his extremely aggressive and overt nature, I learned a lot about the gay community whether I wanted to or not. If I walked into a bar and a shot of tequila was brought to me, I was the object of some gay man’s desire. If I accepted, I was expected to at the very least meet the person and acknowledge their advance. It was always my friend, so I always accepted. There were other signals and cues that my friend made me aware of, and I saw them in practice fairly often as he generally would be able to single out the gay guys out of the hundreds of drunk people in any bar. I live in rural Kentucky, gay guys for the most didn’t make it that obvious then. My friend however, could single them out in a heartbeat. One thing I was never made aware of by him or any of his bunch was tap, tap, tap in a stall. Now, according to Michael at Gayorbit.com, every gay guy knows this. Some guys in the comments claim they didn’t know it, but others assure them they are just out of touch or not practicing enough. Now, this kinda bothers me. The average duration it takes for me to take a good pee is about fifteen to twenty seconds or so. I’m just not one of those people that goes on and on. Addititonally, I’m a fidgety pee’r. I just don’t like standing still for any reason at all. Often, I will tap my foot. In the duration of an average pee, I can easily see that being tap, tap, tap. Am I being lewd? Would I have been arrested in Minnesota? Are a lot of gay guys po’d at me because I sent a signal and walked away? Sheez. I will never tap my foot in a stall again. Ever. Guaranteed. And if I am lost in thought or drunk or something and accidentally do tap my foot to the perfect rhythm and get busted for being lewd, I’m fighting it all the way to the Supreme Court. Being bored and having rhythm doesn’t prove I’m gay and they’d have no other evidence to prove otherwise.
This is nuts. Larry Craig is probably a victim in this case. However, because he did the stupidest legal move you can by being his own attorney and pleading guilty, he’s in a world of hurt and it’s his fault. But, the ramifications of this situation are pretty unnerving to me. I usually could care less if someone’s occupying the stall next to me. Now, chances are it’s either a gay guy cruising or a cop or both. I think from now on I’ll just wait till it’s empty.