Getting tough with Iran
Iran has been less than cooperative with Obama’s administration. They weren’t too cooperative with Bush’s either. For that matter, they haven’t been terribly cooperative since the Shah left. So, given the thirty year history of lying, antagonism, and developing weapons of mass destruction, Obama put his foot down last night:
Now, Obama announced that in his usual cool, calm, political voice. It didn’t fly too well and some people are making fun of it. He is a student of presentation, he knows he could have done better. Now, I’m no ventriloquist, surprised I can even spell it, so, I’m not going to help him much here other than just give suggestions.
First suggestion, take a cue from Christopher Walken, preferably in Pulp Fiction. Put some swagger in those tough words. Put an emphasis on the unexpected. “Our, expectation is that over the next several weeks we will…… be developing a package of potential, steps that we could take that will, indicate our seriousness……” You get the picture.
Or maybe a Dirty Harry? Grit a little. Chomp on a cigar. “You gotta ask yourself, Ahmadijad, do you feel lucky? Huh punk? Do ya? Our expectation is, is that over the next several weeks we will be developing a package of potential steps that we could take that will indicate our seriousness.”
Scary huh?
The Joker? “Our expectation is, is that over the next several weeks we will be developing a package of potential steps that we could take that will indicate our seriousness to Iran. Why so serious? Because my daddy carved this smile on my face.”
Jack D. Ripper?
General Jack D. Ripper: Ahmadinejad?
Ahmadinejad: Yes, Jack?
General Jack D. Ripper: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
Ahmadinejad: Well, I can’t say I have.
General Jack D. Ripper: Vodka, that’s what they drink, isn’t it? Never water?
Ahmadinejad: Well, I-I believe that’s what they drink, Jack, yes.
General Jack D. Ripper: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
Ahmadinejad: Oh, eh, yes. I, hmm, can’t quite see what you’re getting at, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Water, that’s what I’m getting at, water. Ahmadinejad, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth’s surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?
Ahmadinejad: Uh, uh, Good Lord!
General Jack D. Ripper: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Ahmadinejad: Yes. (He begins to chuckle nervously)
General Jack D. Ripper: Are you beginning to understand?
Ahmadinejad: Yes. (More laughter)
General Jack D. Ripper: Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?
Ahmadinejad: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
General Jack D. Ripper: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
Ahmadinejad: Uh? Yes, II have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.
General Jack D. Ripper: Well, do you know what it is?
Ahmadinejad: No, no I don’t know what it is, no.
General Jack D. Ripper: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?
General Jack D. Ripper: Ahmadinejad, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk… ice cream. Ice cream, Ahmadinejad, children’s ice cream.
Ahmadinejad: Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Ahmadinejad: I– no, no. I don’t, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Ahmadinejad. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.
Ahmadinejad: And, you think Iran is going to poison our water too?
General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, Ahmadinejad. I do.
Ahmadinejad: So, you will stop drinking the water?
General Jack D. Ripper: No, Ahmadinejad. Our expectation is, is that over the next several weeks we will be developing a package of potential steps that we could take that will indicate our seriousness to Iran.
I can think of a few other personnas that might have put some ooomph to those words. Maybe steal a character or two from The Holy Grail? As it is, it just doesn’t seem terribly forceful to me. Maybe it’s just me.
